Yo yo yo
I can't believe the way I'm feeling
I wake up still poor plus the pain that exists ain't never healing
(Day by day) day by day goes by time is wasted
My situation make me want to take a permanent vacation
I'd die for my pride plus I'm tired
I got no more respect left for the people in the past that I admired
(I'm not shit) I'm not shit (I'm not shit)
I won't be shit (I won't be shit)

from R.A. The Rugged Man – Smithhaven Mall Lyrics on Rap Genius

Meaning

All the issues with his first record label, getting back to being broke, everyone hating him, being all alone and having sex with only ugly girls, are the things that made R.A. feel depressed and worthless, hate his own life, hate everyone around him and want to commit suicide.

This track was recorded in 1997 and on the track “Lessons”, that was featured on the 2004 album Die, Rugged Man, Die, R.A. spat these lines:

I’m at peace with myself now how bout that
I hated life I wanted to die a few years back
I was mentally ill it’s hard to come back from that
But I got through it now I got my sanity back

He even had mental issues at the time he wrote and recorded this track.

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