This next song is a, uh, first-hand account

[Verse 1]
High school party, senior year
Boys and girls they're all sipping on beer
I like soda, where’s the soda?
Am I the only fucking person here that likes soda?
I see you from across the crowd
I said the party is bumping and the music is loud
You’re really drunk and you’re looking sad
It’s like a date rape ad
Girl, then we start to dance and
Girl, baby this is romance
Girl, I’m starting to grow down below
Shit, why did I wear sweat pants?
Girl, your body's like what
Conjunction junction, that’s a fine ass but
I’m like a cashew in a lollipop
Just keeping sucking till you get to the nut
And I said let’s rob an Asian kitchen, or stroll down the block
Either way girl, we’re taking a walk/wok
You’re going to love me the way my uncle did
Except you’re not gonna to go to court for doing it
Be a guillotine or my girl instead
Either way, I said you’re giving me head
I’m gonna love you, baby, the right way
Shawty with a body looking hotty when I say
Girl
We go into the bedroom exchanging nervous laughter
Why’s it called dry humping if I always need a towel after?
You spread your naked legs and I see that wound that never healed
Even though you’re yelling for me, I can tell your lips are sealed (I've been around)
We’re both aware of my erection
You ask if I have protection
I say "No. I mean, I tried to buy 'em once I was in the convenience store, my old baby sitter walked in, I had to hide them near the Tic-Tacs. I was so embarrassed, I peed myself a little bit."

[Break]
Girl
Girl

[Verse 2]
Insert a euphemism
A sexy mental prism
Increase my pelvic rhythm
Fill you with my syllogism
I know your body and I know how to please you
Don’t thank me, thank Wikipedia
Guys don’t go down, well I am
What the fuck is that
I should have brought my diagram
Ooh, did you feel that
That was an educated guess
Ooh yeah, did you feel that
That one was a sneeze, my bad
I'm allergic to one type of cat
High school party, senior year
None of that happened 'cause I wasn’t invited