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Cover art for Please Help Me by Andrew Auernheimer

Please Help Me

Andrew Auernheimer
Track 87 on because the internet Script Contest 
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Please Help Me Lyrics

Tires SCREECH outside. Dude 2 stands up. There's a small crash outside

Yelling

VOICE: FREEZE!

GUNSHOTS

The Boy and Dude 2 look at each other, except Dude 2 is now a giant Gummy bear

That happened in the last two seconds or so

The Boy doesn’t know; the gunshot must have changed everything

The Boy:
Aren’t you going to go check...are you pineapple?

Dude 2/Gummy Bear (D2GB from hereon out) looks at The Boy with his lifeless, smooshy eyes

D2GB pulls out an iPhone 5C (yellow-flavored) and starts taking video, sideways

D2GB:
*wigglejiggle* “...your fucked.”

The Boy:
'RE...what?
D2GB:
Junior

D2GB pulls gun up to The Boy’s forehead and OHKOs him

VO:
WORLDSTAR!

(Black slate.)

(Cam Show-style “Kill Cam” comes up with “Abella Anderson live Cam” written in the top left corner)

During the Cam Show we can see Someone’s whole life, from when Someone is born, through his time on the bus, driving up to Oakland, kissing Samantha Duenas, scattering his father’s ashes in Amsterdam, watching a boy get shot in the head by cops in Atlanta, staring down the barrel of D2GB’s gun

It loops. It is a GIF

INT- Apartment

Elle Varner watching the KillCam.gif on laptop, smiling

She shares the link to the GIF on Facebook

“This boy STARVING #noheain’teatintho...”

She switches over to a game of online Connect 4 (against an opponent named 3nidadJ). She just got 4’d.(smh)
Elle:
Motherfu-

INT- PENTHOUSE - NIGHT

Yaphet Kotto wakes up, shivering and afraid. He is wearing aviator goggles. There is a Rap Genius "New Song" page open on the laptop in front of him. The text in the boxes read:

Title: You Have To Help Me
Primary Artist: Kurt Vonnegut

*******[PLAY SONG "LIFE: THE BIGGEST TROLL" AT THIS POINT]*******

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because the internet Script Contest (2013)
Rap Genius
  1. 1.
    Because the internet Script Giveaway
  2. 2.
    Childish gambino Script Contest - Everyone needs help.
  3. 3.
    Because the internet ending
  4. 4.
    The Real End
  5. 5.
    Bus
  6. 7.
    Because the Internet Alternate Ending by Amateur Swami
  7. 8.
    Because The Internet Alternate Ending
  8. 9.
    Because the internet (alternate ending)
  9. 10.
    Connect four
  10. 11.
    Because The Internet Script Contest
  11. 12.
    Because the Internet alternate ending
  12. 13.
    The Troll
  13. 14.
    IV: Cult Fiction (V for Vendetta mask)
  14. 15.
    End
  15. 16.
    Naomi’s death
  16. 17.
    Naomi’s Way-because the internet Script Contest
  17. 18.
    Sartre
  18. 19.
    Becausetheinternetaltending
  19. 20.
    Even God needs Wifi
  20. 21.
    Sick Boi
  21. 22.
    I’m Flying
  22. 23.
    Destiny
  23. 24.
    Alone because...
  24. 25.
    BTI Alternate Ending
  25. 26.
    Stop The Car.
  26. 27.
    The Boy and Dude 1
  27. 28.
    Two Inches From Heaven_2
  28. 29.
    We Were Childish But Had To Grow Up
  29. 30.
    BTI CONTEST WINNER
  30. 31.
    Because the Internet alernate ending
  31. 32.
    IV. NO FACE EMOJI
  32. 33.
    Because the internet alternate ending submission
  33. 34.
    A Man
  34. 35.
    Why are you clapping?
  35. 36.
    Because the internet: nothing and everything
  36. 37.
    Because the internet alternate
  37. 38.
    Alternate ending to Because the Internet
  38. 39.
    Roscoes Whatsui...
  39. 40.
    Because the Internet - Afterlife
  40. 41.
    Enter.net
  41. 42.
    You’re Here Now (because the internet Screenplay Alt Ending)
  42. 43.
    Loop
  43. 44.
    Dopest Coding of ‘Because the internet’
  44. 45.
    Because the Internet - Alternate Ending
  45. 46.
    The Fall
  46. 47.
    Living Oblivion
  47. 48.
    The Joke Is On Us
  48. 49.
    Because the Internet (Alt. Ending) - The End?
  49. 50.
    Life is the Biggest Troll
  50. 51.
    Distorted in death. BTI alt ending
  51. 52.
    Man made the web
  52. 53.
    Alternative Ending
  53. 54.
    Applause
  54. 55.
    All the best things are pointless
  55. 56.
    The Lonely Troll
  56. 57.
    ”because the internet”: offline
  57. 58.
    Had Anything Changed?
  58. 59.
    Continued
  59. 60.
    “Because the Internet” Alternate Ending
  60. 61.
    -recluse-
  61. 62.
    Because the Internet: Int-Hout Edition
  62. 63.
    No One Cares (because the internet Alternate Ending Submission)
  63. 64.
    *Unknown*
  64. 65.
    Making Moves
  65. 66.
    Life: The Biggest Troll
  66. 67.
    Because the internet alternate ending: “atlanta”
  67. 68.
    Becausetheinter.net (CONT’D)
  68. 69.
    The Bus Stops Here
  69. 70.
    Becausetheinter.revised
  70. 71.
    Your Last Day.
  71. 72.
    Because The Internet ending
  72. 73.
    Loud silence (accidentally on purpose)
  73. 74.
    After The Internet Part 1.
  74. 75.
    Because the Alternate Ending
  75. 76.
    Because the Internet Script Alternative Ending
  76. 77.
    It Happened For A (Wrong) Reason And We Clap
  77. 78.
    The Infi.net
  78. 79.
    Life: The Biggest Troll
  79. 80.
    Because The Internet Alternative Ending Submission
  80. 81.
    This is it.
  81. 82.
    The Brown Recluse.
  82. 83.
    R.O.S.C.O.E (because the internet Screenplay - Alternate Ending)
  83. 84.
    When Guns Don’t Sound like They Normally Do
  84. 85.
    Trust
  85. 86.
    Contest
  86. 87.
    Please Help Me
  87. 88.
    The end of an Era
  88. 89.
    Because the Internet screenplay contest ... follow me on twitter childish @jayexo23
  89. 90.
    Because The Internet Alternate Ending
  90. 91.
    III. (remix) life: Log out
  91. 92.
    The End
  92. 93.
    BTI Screenplay Alt. Ending
  93. 94.
    Because The Internet - Alternate Ending
  94. 96.
    Clapping Because The Internet
  95. 97.
    The Bus
  96. 98.
    “whatever you want”
  97. 99.
    Becuase The Internet alt. beginning/ending
  98. 100.
    BTI Alt Ending
  99. 101.
    “R O S C O E S W E T S U I T”
  100. 102.
    Sierra Leone
  101. 103.
    Because the Internet alt ending
  102. 104.
    .
  103. 105.
    Waking Up
  104. 106.
    Who were you before? (Because the internet alt. ending)
  105. 107.
    B ec aus e t he i nt ern et
  106. 108.
    Because the Internet Alt Ending (ROSCOES WETSUIT)
  107. 109.
    Because the internet: Alternate Ending
  108. 110.
    Hot New WorldStar
  109. 111.
    Because The Internet Alt Ending
  110. 112.
    Disconnection
  111. 113.
    Because the internet: Revised Ending
  112. 114.
    Because The Internet Alternate Ending Submission
  113. 115.
    Because the internet alternate ending
  114. 116.
    Because The Internet [alt. ending]
  115. 117.
    Nothing Real is Ever Fine.
  116. 118.
    Destiny
  117. 119.
    *Because The Internet* Alternate Ending?
  118. 120.
    Pops misses the Stone Age
  119. 121.
    Roscoe drowned
  120. 122.
    Because The Internet : Alternate Ending
  121. 123.
    Because the wrong reasons
  122. 125.
    Because The Internet Alternative Ending
  123. 126.
    BTI
  124. 127.
    BECAUSE THE INTERNET REWRITE
  125. 128.
    Becausetheinter.net Contest
  126. 129.
    Because The Internet: A Futile Life (Alternate Ending Submission)
  127. 130.
    Power
  128. 131.
    Roscoe’s Wetsuit
  129. 132.
    Because The Internet Ending : Yaphet Kotto
  130. 133.
    Ready
  131. 134.
    Why You Ask? Because, The Internet.
  132. 135.
    Roscoe’s Wetsuit
  133. 136.
    The lost tapes
  134. 137.
    Because The Internet (Alternate Ending)
  135. 138.
    We Were Childish but...
  136. 139.
    Because the internet never really ends
  137. 140.
    We’ll Die
  138. 141.
    4chan
  139. 142.
    Life: The Worst Punchline
  140. 143.
    The final roll
  141. 144.
    Because the internet Alt Ending
  142. 145.
    The Power of the Internet
  143. 146.
    Because the internet alternate ending submission
  144. 147.
    Pineneedles
  145. 148.
    Faux Pas
  146. 149.
    The bus.
  147. 150.
    The Script
  148. 151.
    Mistakes Are Forever
  149. 152.
    Because the internet
  150. 153.
    Thanking the Internet.
  151. 154.
    Because The Power
  152. 155.
    BTI alternate ending
  153. 156.
    Without The World Wide Web [Alter.net]
  154. 157.
    Royalty: A Spiritual Awakening
  155. 158.
    Childhood Answers
  156. 159.
    Roscoes Wetsuit
  157. 160.
    Because the Alternative
  158. 161.
    Remember
  159. 162.
    White Towel
  160. 163.
    Worldstar, Pt. II
  161. 165.
    Stepping Off the Bus
  162. 166.
    Clapping For the Internet
  163. 167.
    Because the internet ending.
  164. 168.
    The End
  165. 169.
    Becuase the Internet: plot twist
  166. 170.
    Because\The Internet
  167. 171.
    Because the Internet Alt Ending
  168. 172.
    Because the internet contest submission
  169. 174.
    Roscoe’s Ending
  170. 175.
    A thing i wrote
  171. 176.
    Because The Internet Contest - Trevor
  172. 177.
    Because the internet alternate ending
  173. 178.
    The Alternate Ending
  174. 179.
    Because the internet alternate ending
  175. 180.
    Because The Internet: Officer Roscoe
  176. 181.
    [NO MOUTH EMOJI]
  177. 182.
    The Boy Who Could...
  178. 183.
    Because the internet alternate ending submission
  179. 184.
    How It All Went Down
  180. 185.
    It’s Whatever
  181. 186.
    Is It Real Cause’ It’s Online?
  182. 187.
    Because The Internet: Screenplay Alternate Ending
  183. 188.
    I don’t know what I want
  184. 189.
    Fading.
  185. 190.
    Death In Paradise
  186. 192.
    ___
  187. 193.
    Waking Up in a Sunday’s Ballet
  188. 194.
    Your Last Day Never Feels Like Your Last Day (Because The Internet Screenplay- Alternate Ending)
  189. 195.
    Because the internet alternate ending submission
  190. 196.
    Because The Internetscape (BTI Script Submission)
  191. 197.
    Best won and U.O.E.N.O it
  192. 198.
    Shouldn’t be here
  193. 199.
    The Boy’s Ending
  194. 200.
    RAMifications
  195. 201.
    Death, the only promise
  196. 202.
    Roscoes Wetsuit
  197. 203.
    Because the internet screenplay entry, 21st century siddharthra
  198. 204.
    Life Trolled Us
  199. 205.
    Recursion (because the internet alt. ending)
  200. 206.
    Mar Rage
  201. 207.
    III.Getting off the Bus
  202. 208.
    Terry’s fault
  203. 209.
    Because the internet extended ending
  204. 210.
    Because the ALTER.net
  205. 211.
    We shouldn’t be here
  206. 212.
    Kennon Hunt’s BTI contest entry
  207. 213.
    “Fuck me, right?” Alternate Because the internet ending
  208. 214.
    Life: The Biggest Troll
  209. 215.
    Because The Alternate Ending
  210. 216.
    Because the internet Script Giveaway: bec a use the in t e rnet
  211. 217.
    Hedi Slimane
  212. 218.
    BTI alt. ending
  213. 219.
    Annotation/Transcription Test Page
  214. 220.
    DEATH: THE BIGGER TROLL
  215. 221.
    MORTEM FINALE
  216. 222.
    Maybe It’s The Last Night
  217. 224.
    Because The Internet Alternate Ending
  218. 225.
    A Dilema
  219. 228.
    Help
  220. 229.
    IV: A New Hope
  221. 230.
    BOY (Because of You)
  222. 231.
    This Is the End
  223. 232.
    Because The Alternate
  224. 233.
    You Either Die a Hero...
  225. 234.
    Swallow your pride (In keeping secrets of @goldmolar)
  226. 235.
    Because the Internet
  227. IV. But What Happens Next
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