[Intro]
Lard, you can see it in the clouds up in the sky
Lard floats by in clusters in our water supply
Lard, it's all of us, man, in our pores and in our hair
Lard's what we conceal in those corny clothes we wear
Lard is all
Lard is divine
Lard is in control
Lard whips and chains our soul
We carry credit cards
We live in fear of art
Lard is the om
Lard is revolution
Lard is the tapeworm in the bottle of cheap tequila
That comes alive at night and sneaks up and bites your nipple
Lard

[Verse 1]
Nowadays, most of us need someone to run our personal life
Someone to see that the plants are watered
Someone to make sure the place is clean
Someone to make sure dinner is waiting
Someone to call for theater tickets
Someone to make up those cheap excuses
What we need is lard
Lard

[Interlude]
The answer
The dancer
The ointment
The dream
Absorb it
Inflame it
Respect it
Molest it
Lard

[Verse 2]
The country right now, it wants to be soothed
And told it doesn't have to pay or sacrifice or learn
No one is over the hill when the mountain comes to Muhammad

[Pre-Chorus]
We love to eat, we love to pray
Mold over mind, hooray!

[Chorus]
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard

[Verse 3]
Every time I take a crap, it's a cosmic experience
Religion and chemicals are the key to the future
Next time we have sex, just pretend that I'm Ed Meese
The weasels have it down, man, it's a whole new age

[Interlude]
Which would you prefer, a computer or a gun?
The sharks outlived the dinosaurs, you know

[Chorus]
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard

[Verse 4]
Pity the poor trainer in the stable when the racehorse farts
Poison oak really is the aphrodisiac of the gods
When people are asleep, we must all become alarm clocks
Hey, man, life is my college

[Interlude]
It's dental floss of the mind
Who will babysit the babysitters?

[Verse 5]
Ever hear about the guy in New York whose dick
Fell off in the bath after he shot it full of coke?
It's okay to run out of butter in Zambia
Just smear squashed caterpillars on your toast
Waiter, there's a terrorist in my soup
Which came first, Max Headroom or Gerald Ford?
Are you a man or are you a mouse?
If you love your fun, die for it!

[Chorus]
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard
The power of lard

[Outro]
Who's gonna babysit the babysitters
The power of lard
Avoid everything
Everything
The power of lard
Lard! Lard! Lard! Lard!