[Verse One]
I thought I had romance, no chance till I met you
Right next to my whipper in a fly sweatsuit
Like this was Boyz N' the Hood and I'm Tre
You didn't have dishes to do and there was no one home at Grandma's place
I blew kisses to you when I'm on stage
At least I was picturin' you when I blew 'em at that chick with blonde waves
You know, I might have banged her too
But since you wouldn't want A.I.D.S., you should be thankin' Lou
I had a condom on (Hey!)
Girl I would rob a bank for you
Catch a shank or two
But I won't treat you like my last girl I'll never strangle you
You're my angel food and I want my cake and taste it too
So, get straight into your naked suit and your favorite shoes
Not to cheapen our sex life, but I got them tapes of you
And if you leave me the next night they might turn up on Pay Per View
Psych!
You know I like to play with you
I wouldn't do you wrong, but if you ever break a date with Lou, I'll screw you in a song

[Hook]
(JJ) Darlin', when it's for real this how it feel
(LL)All my other girlfriends were just practice
(JJ) Stay on my mind all of the time
(LL) Fact is my last chick was nothin' but an actress
(JJ) Baby, you stole my heart right from the start
(LL)I'm tellin' you, you're foot would probably fit in Cinderella's shoe
(JJ) Damn! You went and stole the whole show! Now hear the horns go
(Both) Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

[Verse Two]
You're the best thing that's happened, girl, the light of my life
Like ya despite the fact we fight every night
While we're wrestling I might get a knife
But just for threatenin'
I wouldn't chance your implants to spring a leak. I like 'em that size
Girl, you got a little dyke in your eyes
Which is cool. You might be surprised
I like bitches too, not just you
And if you down to knock the boots
Then I found a prostitute who'd love to rock with you tonight if it's cool
Cause I'm in the mood for love or fuckin' some anyway
And friendship this authentic doesn't come everyday
It's one of the many ways with which I tell you, "I love you"
But sometimes I think it's swell to just fuck you

[Hook]

[Verse Three]
I wanna pledge my love and loyalty to the one who spoils me
Rubs and oils me from head to toe you'd never know I wasn't royalty
STEP 1: To let you know how important your heart is
I carved this one from the chest of a farm pig with a sharp BIC razor
STEP 2: I'll lay it next to your head
While you're undressed in your bed dreamin' of sex that we've had
STEP 3: I'll tether your legs together and tie your hands down
And prance round the room while I pull my bloomers and pants down
STEP 4
I'll paint a red cross above the headboard
And set forth to bumpin' uglies till your butt gets bed sores
But 5 is my favorite
My video of the guys that you've laid with gettin' beatin' till they lie on the pavement
Now that's romance for ya
When you need to finance lawyers to get Diane Sawyer's lyin' ass off ya
I ain't no wife beater
Bitch I'm in love
Gimme some room so I can get this blood rinsed from my gloves

[Hook]

You're all that I need I'll be there for you
"But the rest are doo doo" - Chubb Rock
I'll hold the door and pull out ya chair for you
"But the rest are doo doo"
If you had a fanclub I'd be in there too
"But the rest are doo doo"
Cause you'd love me fat and old or with thin hair too
I'll squeeze you tighter than a swimwear suit