Here it is. Bob Novak's red carpet interview with Eve
But seriously, it's 6:14 am and I just got home from the casino. Many hours ago, I was sitting at the "main game," which is the No Limit variety of Hold'em with $5/$5 blinds and opening preflop raises averaging around 30. There's this greasy and fast-gambling arab scumbag named Arkin. He's addicted to action - I saw him playing $1000/hand blackjack the other day. Arkin is the wildest player at the casino by far, even wilder than all the blacks! Last week I saw him call a preflop raise all in for $1100 and not turn his cards over - the board came A-10-9-8-7. The raiser shows K-Q for a King high and Arkin mucks his cards
Up a couple hundred with about $1700 in front of me, I was bragging to everyone at the table about how I was gonna bust Arkin's ass as he strolled up to sit next to me with a rack of about $10,000 worth of chips. He straddles $10 his first hand (what's a straddle?), which he always does when he's under the gun. I look down at two red kings, first to act. I know that if no one else raises, Arkin will throw in a huge raise on his option, as he always does, so I just call. Everybody calls around to Arkin, who raises $100. Since this is Arkin's first hand, everyone starts up like, "Oh Arkin, not again," or "Arkin, you old sunuvabitch," or "Arkin, you make my heart sing" to the tune of Wild Thing. I raise $200 more with a big smile on my face. I might have said "Bitch!" He casually throws in a $1000 chip, and I push all in. I show kings, he flips over aces and starts taunting the shit out of me
Arkin: You think you got me good kid, I got you better!
AG: Better than what?
Arkin: You don't go all in on Arkin!
(Arkin stands up to watch the flop, and I stand up after him)
Arkin: What, you going somewhere? You don't have no more money? I bust you?
AG: Shut up Arkin, just shut up
Arkin: Hah Heh Heh!!!
AG: Brush your teeth
Arkin's Aces held up and I lost. After I bought in again, Arkin bluffed me out of a sizeable pot and I had a few more rough hands against men of African/Arabic/Caribbean/mixed ethnicity, including a two outer on the river that cost me over a million. What do I care? I'm God. Actually I was really immature about all my bad beats, complaining to everyone, but now I'm over it
That is actually Eve, right?
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