The Lonely Island – I'm A Hustler Lyrics
Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor of New York
Good morning; it's been brought to my attention that many rap artists claim that they run New York - but this is not the case. In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like. Please excuse the profanity in advance - hit it
I RUN NEW YORK!
New York, big city of dreams,
And you know that I run this town
(I run it!)
King of the streets, ??? concretes
Skyscrapers on my crown.
So if you want this Big Apple,
Come try to take a bite,
Cause I run this motherfucking city and
I won't give it up without a fight
Yo, I run New York - it's a pain in the ass!
The city's crowded as fuck, and it's covered in trash.
And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face;
Another transit strike? Oh fucking great!
I can't wait
To have another meeting with the labor union
So the mob can bend me over
And then shove their fucking shoe in
So I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latté.
I literally run New York, and it's fucking exhausting
I run New York, it's a fucking headache
It really wears you down
In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit,
It's a miracle I don't drown
I *double* literally run New York:
I run the marathon
Plus I organized it
So I double-run the marathon
But no one seems to give a fuck that I'm a paragon
Instead they photoshop me so
It's looking like I wear a thong
And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone
I went to the Knicks game, and
They booed me on the jumbotron!
Excuse me for trying to help you;
They won't be satisfied until I'm
Locked up in Bellevue.
I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick
I run New York and it feels like shit
The chief of police is a major bully
He laughs at my ideas. (He's a jerk!)
He made fun of my tie last week
And I had to fight back tears
Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit
Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick.
But at night I travel down into the subway
Wearing chainmail, locked and loaded for gunplay,
And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats.
If I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that?
I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one
That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun.
Because on the equinox, a Hell Gate springs,
Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings.
And no one even knows! They just think I'm a dork
But I still kill those fucking dogs, because
I RUN NEW YORK
I run New York, it's a shitty gig;
There's no overtime in my pay. (Bullshit!)
I asked this city for a fucking bonus
And they said "no fucking way!"
So rotten is this Big Apple
It's crawling with worms inside
But I run this motherfucking shithole city
And it makes me wanna die
I RUN NEW YORK!
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