WARNING: DO NOT STEAL THESE JOKES/INSIGHTS. OR YOU WILL TAKE MULTIPLE HITS FROM A DUDE WITH A FULLY LOADED BOX OF PAPER CLIPS. IN OTHER WORDS…I WILL SUE. AND IF I LOSE, I’LL APPEAL. AND YOU’LL GET PEEL’D. GETTIN STUCK IN COURT FOR YEARS CAN ALMOST BE WORSE THAN JAIL. EMPHASIS ON ALMOST. AGAIN, CAVE CANEM.
BOUT ME:
[Introduction]
Welcome.
From far away Hyrule, I am Big Link. Former associate at Tally, DeGa & Dent P.C. That is former D.A. Harvey Dent’s old firm, in case you didn’t know.
Also Known As: Headphwnz the Noise Cancellar; aka T.S. El-Egot; aka Cofacticuss Mench; aka The ParaLactToid-1; aka GU3STY McGUESTERSON.)
[Cue the music, roll the credits and let’s begin the feature presentation.]
++++[BY ALL/ANY MEANS -DECODE ME]++++
First off – All the industry’s top dogs and all sneaky copyin' cats should “google my handle.” That’s a cryptic instruction not a dick joke by the way.
Second. And not to be too fatuous, but to paraphrase Maude Lebowski: “I’m a good lawyer. And thorough.” Legalese is my native tongue. My other first language is Latin. My second be Ebonics. The urban-e-resume says (hootz maybe) “I am also proficient with Yiddish, Japanese, English and French”:
Exempli gratia -
Third verse. A little personal. SWM. I enjoy poetry explication, complex research, hip-hop, writing jokes, other stuff and most especially the law. As an aside, I also prefer pizza with Tabasco.
Fourth. Not to be too suh-sah-serious (or cover-lettery), but I aspire to practice law in settings that allow me to concentrate on sophisticated transactions and work with smart people while still having fun. I’ve worked with LLP(otus)’s, financial institutions, hedge funds, internet startups, venture-backed co.’s and a few select bricks & mortar companies. Copyright issues are one of my many passions along with cooking. I hope to one day write for a future HBO (or HBO-like) episodic TV series – even if it’s when I’m 70 and have retired from law.
And oh by the way – if I comment on your RapGenius explanation and you incorporate what I said into the revision- I expect a citation (aka, a shout out). Of course, I will try to incorporate the same into my explanations. Blue Bookin' till I die.
Ab ovo usque ad mala !
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[Outro]
(Deep Authoritative Voice – Disclaimers and clarifications: LawyerHead is not affiliated with LoserHead or LierHead. But he did go to law school with those shysters. They’re not really such bad guys if they’re by your side. If you need a lawyer, get. One.)
RELEASE US ALL
FROM THIS FLOODED ARKHAM
THE END
