Eatbox: rappers eat pussy sometimes, too

“Now first, you lick the belly button, and you have to lick it a real long time and get it desensitized. Then lick around the thighs…"
– Antonio, "pimp” of my high school, on eating a pussy.

The first time I ate a choach it tasted fine, because my girl was vegan and all, but I didn’t enjoy myself because I was so nervous. I suffered from a lingering speech impediment and I worried that it would translate. Also the more typical worries — asphyxiation, the specter of sexual slavery, flashbacks of my birth.

But what worried me most was that I loved it. I loved the vaginal form up-close.

I found the sociocultural implications of my new passion harrowing — “is enjoying this beta?” I was 16 (a bit late on the train but that’s what happens when you spend all your free time copying rap verses in a notebook) and I had just discovered B.I.G. and Pac; all I could think was “a thug would never eat a pussy!”

Then I heard Big Pun.

“I’m Not a Player” was a revelation:

Split it in half, watch the gas, baby take a bath
Be good, I might put away the wood and give you the mustache

and:

Scuse me for bein' blunt, but I’ve been eatin' cunts since pimps was
Pushing pink Caddies with the fish tank pumps

I soon realized that Pun was mainly lauding his talent, not his zeal. On “Still Not A Player” he is a touch more agnostic:

I could go downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere
“You nasty Twin!” I don’t care
Round here they call me Big Pun, if you with the big guns
Thick tongue, known to make a chick [come]

Not all portly rappers are unequivocally in favor of a snack: in Rhyme the Rhyme Well, Notorious B.I.G. talks about eating pussy as an activity that his manliness wouldn’t allow him to take part in, even if he wished to:

Petiteness, but that ass fat
She got a body make a nigga wanna eat that…
I’m fuckin' wit you

But B.I.G. was probably fronting. “Another” begins with this real exchange between him and Lil Kim:

Biggie: You wasn’t saying that when you was sucking my dick.
Lil Kim: You wasn’t saying that when you was eating my pussy!

To be sure, some rappers cling to their machismo. J Cole doesn’t go down on girls because it’s woman’s work. On (aptly named) “Royal Flush”:

Then they wanna seduce ya like Madusa, be cool
I said I got a girl, she told me, “Me too!”
So that must mean you want a nigga to eat that seafood
Baby don’t be foolish, but call her, I’ll watch her do it

On meme diss track “Ether”, Nas accuses Jay-Z of using oral sex to compensate for his face:

Foxy got you hot cause you kept your face in her puss
What you think, you getting girls now cause of your looks?

However, the Era of Weezy seems to have decided rappers' struggle over pussy-eating in favor of the pussy lovers. Lil Wayne is 5'6. As a goblin, he doesn’t have to worry as much about reproductive hierarchies…why do you think Katie Couric is smiling all big like that?

Some of Weezy’s pussy-appreciation is purely abstract; in “We Be Steady Mobbin'”:

You cannot reach me on my Samsung
I’m busy fucking the world and giving the universe my damn tongue

Weezy is speaking figuratively, describing what he will do to the womanized she-universe of the modern age. The phrase “give/take tongue” — a Wayne coinage — is artful and clean.

At other times, Weezy seems to prefer giving tongue to sex, which seems decadent:

You may not be a model but I can front page ya
You know I’m nasty, excuse my behavior
Let me just taste ya, we can fuck later

Some songs catch Wayne in more of a pussy-frenzy; from “Time for Us to Fuck”:

I say I’m on a strict diet, I can only eat you
Licky licky, licky licky; I like to
Licky licky, licky licky
(NOTE: this may be “lick it lick it”, hard to tell)

Unlike, say, me, Weezy doesn’t even insist on a bikini wax; from “Mr. Carter”:

I suck a pussy fuck a pussy eat it there
Long hair? Don’t even care!

Nor has the celebrity of the Contemporary Wayne put any damper on his pussy-eating zeal. The just-dropped “No Ceilings” mixtape has the inspired fuck-song “Wayne on me”:

The pussy lips smiling, I make the pussy happy
Take them panties off. The pussy looking at me
I’m the pussy monster, go get the pussy ready

I’ve heard that Lil Wayne kisses birdlips, and I know I can’t just model my masculinity off of a little Goblin fellow all willy-nilly, but one thing to keep in mind:

She kiss me mine, and I kiss hers back
If she a bad bitch, she deserve that…

Give, and ye shall receive, as the incorrect paraphrase of the Bible would have it. Girls are more generous with the generous.

And if it works for the Goblin, imagine what it could do for you…