A Modest Proposal: Why those white-bread, hella suburban rappers matter

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I don’t know if there’s ever been a more despised genre than “frat rap”—a pejorative designation, to be sure, but a perfectly apt one. Sure, the 70’s had disco, and the 90’s had all that bland-ass radio rock, but nothing has sparked such consistently aggressive hatred as the meteoric rise of Mac Miller and company. In honor of Tuesday’s Blue Slide Park release, let me briefly outline why this shit matters, why it’s taking over the world, and why Jay Electronica will never be as popular as Hoodie Allen:

It’s fun. As fuck.

Sure, Chris Webby isn’t particularly deep, and I’ll readily admit that he’s not the most talented lyricist to ever get millions of YouTube views. But quickly check a video of him in concert, and just watch how enamored those kids are with him—it’s a youthful, I-don’t-give-a-fuck energy that neither Yeezy, nor Cole, nor even Wale possess anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQuxduj5L-g

Teenagers and twentysomethings can relate more with Hoodie Allen than Big L.

Hoodie Allen was born Steven Markowitz on Long Island in 1988. After high school, he matriculated at Penn’s legendary Wharton School of Business. Dude worked at Google. Obviously, he’s a really, really fucking smart guy, and there are plenty of those in hip-hop. But how many are Jewish, from Long Island, and can rap like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNT-1PQ2nNo Now consider this: who comprises Kanye West’s or Hov’s target demographics? I’m not even talking just pure appeal, I’m talking sales—pure, hard, cash. It’s white kids from middle-class to affluent backgrounds. It’s Hoodie Allen. It’s his fanbase. It’s why, in just a year, he’s gone from about 5,000 fans on Facebook to over 91K as of November, and why he’s not going away anytime soon.

Girls love frat rap. Who doesn’t like music the bitches can get down to?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi3Mx-swig Ok, so they suck ass. But please, please tell me if you can name another rapper who’s inspired so much pantie-changing since ‘Em came up. Dude’s like 5'5—maybe, if we’re counting NBA Draft Combine-style—and he’s just a goofy-ass guy. Just look at these ears!

But when I hit up his show at the House of Blues in Chicago a few weeks back, there were a few things I noticed:
-It was, quite literally, a 70% female audience. It was a goddamn Taylor Swift show, minus the tinny voice and vanilla country.
-People were dressing exactly like him. I don’t even mean merely throwing on a simple Hartford Whalers snapback. These North Shore gentlemen were in full “Donald Trump” regalia: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74TFS8r_SMI Slim chinos, well-fitted hoodies and crewnecks from obscure streetwear designers, sick high-tops. He’s inspired an entire cult of personality, made up entirely of wealthy white kids who want nothing more than to be him. Incredibly impressive, especially when you consider that he’s 19 years old and just a year removed from high school. To close, here’s something that, perhaps, is even more awe-inspiring

God, those ears!