Get one NOW! Hunt on Craigslist for an UNLOCKED, international use run of the mill shit phone, unless you plan on doing international coverage on your iPhone (mad expensive). You can also ask your carrier to unlock your phone, allowing you to remove the SIM and add a new one wherever.

Once you get your burner, don’t sweat a SIM card: pick it up there. It’s very cheap. Alternatively, grab a global SIM and enjoy fairly cheap rates everywhere.

Bring War & Peace. Bring a few books longer than that. The trip through Siberia is LONG, and entertainment is short. Reading is the best way.

Cards are also awesome, and a good way to meet Russians. Computers and iPods will die, but books are forever.

Most places have no card scanners and would, even if they did have one, refuse to take your card. Rely on rubles to get you around. You’ll pick up the conversion rate fast (think of what one dollar equals, and work from there). Otherwise, carry a bank card just to get out cash.

The Eurotrip lesson: they suck and are useless.

Really, those first two. Learned the hard way.

To get the best conversion rate and not have to carry around a lot of USD, head to an ATM (BANKOMAT/БАНКОМАТ) and withdrawal.

It’s like New York, but on steroids. I still walk like this, two years later. To really fit in, gaze into the distance, be extremely quiet, and show no emotion.

Depending on the line (it is partially nationalized), the tea comes in this awesome metal shield. You don’t get to keep it, but tea is cheap and mad delicious, so take advantage of it.

You can also just drink. I recommend Jaguar, essentially Four Loko, “Party in a Can,” pre-made cocktails with energy, and my personal favorite beers: Baltika (everywhere), Budweiser Budvar (not that one), or this weird line that I can’t remember the name of (it’s common) that mixes beer and things like cola and tequila. Worth it.

Vodka? Oh yes. When else will you get the chance to taste corn-sourced alcohol?! FOr the true experience, go for the pepper vodka, a mix of the best vodka and…peppers. Surprisingly, one of the best is a brand you can get here, Nemiroff:

Russia, though, is not run on vodka: it lives for cognac. Depending on the person, it makes a great gift and is fantastic:

With the taste of warm bread and the effect of bad beer, kvas is Russia and the Ukraine’s drink of choice. It is basically poorly fermented beer. While low in alcohol (~2% abv), you can drink a lot of it, feel good, and develop a taste. The canned stuff is okay, but to get the full experience, find a roadside tap and dig in!

For whatever reason, Russian tap water is a gateway to you curled up in a ball sick the entire trip. Dodge this by only drinking boiled water or bottled water. Joy.