To that jackass who stole my OG username

RimmerGawd's photo

34,914

I know your still lurkin' here…

October 9th, 2012
RimmerGawd's photo

34,914

For those of you who don’t know the story, I changed the username from Rimmer to Excrement as a joke and then somebody (someone who I suspect in the editor chat at the time) swiftly took my username.

I remember pulling this trick off with Mod IATG back in the day as a joke, but I gave him back his OG username. This must of happened 10 months ago…

October 9th, 2012

how come i don’t have a message button to send private messages D:

October 9th, 2012
Prozac's photo

5,952

^ to newb.

October 9th, 2012
Lemson's photo

9,864

Haha Rimmer

October 9th, 2012
Northstars's photo

15,476

After copious amounts of research, I have come to a conclusion. 10 months ago was around the time I had joined this site. Now, at the time, I remember a character the Joker causing quite the uproar. Now I went out of my way and took a journey to the underbelly of good ol' RapGenius City. Whilest passing through the alleys of Trapaholics district, I managed to run into an old acquaintance of mine. This character is none other than that rascal Zexon. I approached Zexon, but quickly slipped on a ski mask to pretend to be black so he would give me any attention at all. I pulled a fast one on him, and soon had him under my vast mental power in a state of cowering obedience. Upon further questioning, Zexon revealed to me an underground name-selling business. Quite the burgeoning business, he said. One final question lead me to a dealer in this name-selling business.. none other than the famous name changer himself, RTJ2.

Now it took me some time to find this character of well deserved reputation. See, turned out he is also a famed Canibus distributor, Canibus being the highly potent strain of cannabis that is known to make the smoker somehow develop a gawdly scientific vocabulary, and rap for hours on end. Now RTJ2 was found deep in the alleys of Editor Row, where he and other rap aficionados were devising a plot to resurrect old dusty hip hop songs to the forefront of RG City. Me being the fellow editor I am, they politely allowed me to ask some questions. Upon digging into the subject of Rimmer’s stolen name, they became very… elusive. Seems a deal had gone badly somewhere. I hightailed it out of there, knowing how quickly the editors are to call someone who asks too many questions a “phaggot” and a “nub not spert”.

Now after i quickly left RTJ2’s mansion in Editor Row, i scanned over a little black book I had managed to grab in the midst of our coversation. Me being the quickwitted fellow I am, I had stumbled upon a record book of all the name selling deals that had gone down. One particularly piqued my interest. A character by the name of MadDawg had purchased an unknown name for the grand sum of 1000 IQ. Now surely this couldnt have been the same MaddDogg who used to frequent these forums? Impossible! RTJ2 is a smart fellow, I assure you he would not have misspelled a simple name changer’s identity. Upon further inspection, I noticed a string of numbers written down next to MaddDogg’s name. The numbers were written as follows :

5-7, 3-7, 5-10, 3-5, and finally 7-13.

Now being the super sleuth I am, I deduced that these must be a code! Now RTJ2 being the Canibus sensei of this city, I knew it must be reference to Canibus albums. Upon further, genius inspection, I noticed a pattern somehow ( I think I had drank a bit too much in the office one night trying to solve this case) and I came to a startling result. By cross referencing the first number of each set with the second number, the pattern was FIRST NUMBER: Canibus album in chronological order. SECOND NUMBER: number of letter in name of said Canibus album. The results were shocking. They spelled…. J- O — K — E — R! Joker! That goddamn old troll from RapGenius Civil war times. Now using my new knowledge, I returned to client Rimmer. He explained to me that TheJoker was an old name that MaddDogg used to use! Piece by piece, this story was coming together.

After weeks of searching for MaddDogg, I discovered something very eery one night in the bays of RG river. The body of MaddDogg! etched into the back of MaddDogg’s corpse was one disturbing word….

tunes

This case was getting stranger and stranger. Now, as I wandered back to my office where faithful BoscoCrimeSolvingBear was heating up a fresh pot of coffee for another long and eventful night, I was suddenly chatted up by a very.. manly looking female, to say the least. Now me being the perfect gentleman I am, I did not judge a book by its cover. She wandered over to me, and said “Hey there handsome DetectiveNorthstars, It’s SDVG! I need your help! This man stole my purse!” and off she went down this alley known as A3C street. Now I was still skeptical of the gender and reasoning behind SDVG asking me for help, but I was eager to help anyone in trouble. Little did I know, I was being set up. Out of no where jumped the SKORg gang, and I was immediately attacked. Now handsome and mighty as I am, I was no match for their combined numbers. Luckily, some saint was watching over me that night, I like to think it was J-Dilla (RIP). Out of nowhere, Lemson and fellow GROKs members stepped out of nowhere. It was civil war in the streets of RG all over again. It got ugly fast, and I barely made it out before Police Officer Gavin arrived to bust everyone for only standing up for what they believe in! But hey, it’s his job, can’t give the man any flack for that.

Now as i wandered back to my office, I realized we had hit a dead end. MaddDogg was dead, and my only clue lie in one eerie word… tunes. Where did this lead me? I didnt know. Another cliff hanger in the truth behind Rimmer’s missing identity. I realized I would need to do a lot more research. U

Until next time RapGenius City, Fellow DetectiveNorthstars is on the case. Rest assured, this crime will be solved!

October 9th, 2012
Nappy's photo

19,240

^ Why the fuck…

October 9th, 2012

Gee wilikers Detective Northstars! I guess we still have some work to do! But for now, The Forums of Rap Genius will rest peacefully, knowing that Detective Northstars, and his stunningly handsome bear Deputy, Bosco are on the case!

October 9th, 2012

Bosco and Northstars

leaving no stone unturned

October 9th, 2012

Let’s see how many people will follow this trend. I urge you all to make his DP your DP as well.

October 9th, 2012
DeLaNoise's photo

3,861

…..I wanna be a detective……

October 9th, 2012
Lemson's photo

9,864

And thus a friendship was born

October 9th, 2012

October 9th, 2012
Lemson's photo

9,864

Haha he said DP

October 9th, 2012

I don’t know who the sucker is that stole the name Rimmer but I have a few words for them. I want to say how sorry I am for you. First for the fact that you were born a jabroni and have been living your whole life as a jabroni. Second, I realize it must be difficult for you to make that long walk to your home everyday. The ridicule you must face as you turn down KnowYourRole blvd and climb the stairs to your apartment right above the Loser Cafe. Third, I want to apologize for the fact that you struggle getting out of bed every morning knowing at any moment, I could lay the Smack Down on you and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it! Now I’m only gonna say this once, you’re gonna give Excrement his name back. If not, I’m gonna take that stolen name of yours, I’ll shine it up real nice, then I’ll turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up your candy ass!

October 9th, 2012