"Cartoon Shit Freestyle (Country Shit Remix)"

C_Goomba's photo

10,420

I was listening to my homie Big KRIT and felt motivated to do this. This is the untouched and unmixed version. hope you guys enjoy

@The23rdAce is mixing the final product (he’s very patient so i give him props for putting up with me.

https://soundcloud.com/s-l-u-m-s/cartoon-shit-freestyle-country

January 11th, 2014

I don’t mean to sound like a broken record, because I say this everytime, but keep working on your flow. Just keep making more songs practicing and what not, and i’m sure the improvements will come. Props for the turn on the idea.

January 11th, 2014
C_Goomba's photo

10,420

will do just that

care to tell me exactly what about my flow needs improvement?

January 11th, 2014
C_Goomba's photo

10,420

bump

January 11th, 2014
lilhook27's photo

3,853

Bump

January 12th, 2014

kinda sucks. improve your lyrics and flow

January 12th, 2014

Still seems a bit forced, and you could probably switch up the flow a bit more

January 12th, 2014
Mairick's photo

4,241

you definetly need to work on your flow.

January 12th, 2014
C_Goomba's photo

10,420

i srsly dont know how to not sound so orced. i mean do i really ghostface it?? do i sound that aggressive and like i am not catching up? I mean think i maintained decent breathing throughout it and i thought i was changing my flow throughout every verse. a few people like my stuff and what i do but the other half still think i have a long ways to go. i mean i know im far from rakim or biggie flow wise but it seems that no matter what i do i cant get to the center of my problem. I really dont know where to start and what to improve flow wise

FUCK

January 12th, 2014
HMN's photo

23,846

yeah… the flow was the biggest problem.

it was kinda hard to pay attention when you were so off-beat for most of it.

January 12th, 2014
C_Goomba's photo

10,420

i literally i thought i was on beat for a good portion of it >.< i mean every beat no matter the sound follows a four beat tempo right? I mean i paid attention to where the beat looped and started over, and that was the end of a bar for me. i just….i just dont know what the fuck is the problem with me >< fml

January 12th, 2014
Alpha-Q-Up's photo

21,167

Cool lyrics bruh…

January 12th, 2014
Skizza306's photo

6,370

Yeah the flow is by far the biggest problem here. It sounds sloppy (last verse sounds a lot better than the others, though) — Within your first few bars of your first verse, for example, there are a couple places where you’re pausing in between words in an uncomfortable manner. The stop-start flow can definitely be effective but it sounds awkward here. Yet later in the verse (e.g. the “straight outta NJ” bar, and the last bar) you’re speeding up a lot to fit all the words and it ends up sounding disjointed and awkward.

Couple suggestions I’d make:

1) Stay away from bouncy double-time-ey beats like this one until you’ve locked down the fundamentals. The degree of difficulty in rhyming on an instrumental like this effectively is a lot higher compared to a more simple beat. Try to find something basic in the 80-90 BPM rage without too many dominating noises or effects and has strong, steady percussion — anything from DJ Premier, Pete Rock, J. Dilla, Alchemist, even early-era Kanye, etc. is almost like rapping with training wheels on because the beat is so driving and it’s in such a natural tempo already. That’ll help you lock down your fundamentals.

2) Be cognizant of your bar length as you’re writing them. If you look at your notebook and notice that your bars 1-3 are all 10-12 syllables long, but then the 4th bar is 18 syllables long, you’re going to have to plan for that, and if you don’t already have a specific pattern built in your head for how those syllables land on the beat you’ll * probably * fall off the rails when it comes time to actually record. Sometimes you’re just going to have to trim down in your writing to get everything in to the sweet spot. Yes it’s true that a lot of great rappers can smoothly and effectively switch between long and short bars in a sonically pleasing manner, but it took them a lot of work to get to that point. Start with the fundamentals, then build upon them gradually.

3) Tying in to #2 — you’ll probably have to be willing to sacrifice lyricism for flow on occasion. Yes, it’s great to pack a bar with a bunch of cool inner-rhymes or maybe stretch out an end-bar multi rhyme, but if those extra syllables are causing the flow to break down then it’s doing you more harm than good, and a 2-syllable rhyme that flows nicely will always sound better than a 4-syllable rhyme that falls off-beat. Try and be aware of this during your writing process and if you notice a certain section of lyrics that isn’t flowing the way you need it to then be willing to be absolutely vicious with your editing.

Those would be my tips at least. Aside from that I mostly enjoyed the freestyle. Some funny/memorable lines, a slightly unconventional topic that added personality, and while your delivery and mic presence could still use polish your actual voice is pretty well suited to rap.

January 12th, 2014

Yea, I think the flow issue is that you have some weird pauses in between words. I think you just put too much emphasis on the words. It’s called flow for a reason; just let it flow. Obviously, you’re going to want to emphasize some words more than others, but you’re doing that with every word.

January 12th, 2014
C_Goomba's photo

10,420

it seems im more of a “Tupac” than “biggie” >.< im more about lyrics than flow. gotta try and still find that balance because i always knew how important flow was even for the most simple rappers. I have to try a way to harness my wordsmith with the flow master. thanks alot for the info @Skizza306 pretty much elaborated the simplified input i always get around here. thanks for all the help guys.

January 12th, 2014