Don’t know if I’m fighting my demons or going to dinner with em
I sit across from that table just looking brave and tough
But it’s only right they get the check, figured that I paid enough

from Joe Budden – Pain Won't Stop Lyrics on Rap Genius

Joe is saying that he is unsure whether the evils that have came with the music are something he is trying to get rid of or are now just a permanent part of his life.

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