The Chumra Song Lyrics
I never shave, not even with a trimmer
I keep the Three Weeks ah gantzeh zimmer
I bring a mezuzah wherever I travel
I tie knots in my tzitzis so it doesn't unravel
I am so frum, that everyone is jealous
I say lashon hara all day, lito'eles
I switched tuna bagels for cream cheese and lox
When I see a car on Shabbos, I throw at it rocks
If a lady is driving I never yield
When the Rebbe throws apples I play left field,
I don't learn gemara 'cuz goyim lived in Bavel
I cover all my mirrors just in case I'm an avel
CHORUS
I didn't look in a thesaurus
So I have no words to put in the chorus
I'll just tell you more 'bout what a tzaddik I am
All of the mitzvos that I'm mekayem
When I go to the mikvah I turn off the heater
I don't even know who is Derek Jeter
And when I go to the mikvah, to make sure it cleanses
I pull out my teeth and take out my lenses
If my wife boils water that's not Badatz
I make her buy a new set of pots
I don't put chrein on fish, of any species
'Cuz I'm choishesh for bishul, even from kli shlishis
If I see a sheretz I would never touch him
'Cuz when mashiach comes I'll have to eat kodshim
Between fish and meat I drink a bottle of bourbon
I knocked down my whole house, zecher l'churban
As you can tell, I'm Hassidic
So I don't know how to write a lyric
So I'll just sing, and you'll get a rush of
Respect for me, 'cuz I'm so chashuv
I stole a diamond ring from my Tante Bailah
Just to be mekayem "Vehaishiv es hag'zailah"
I eat chulent yeder murgen, mitt-tug, un nacht
I walk in the ga'as with my oigen farmacht,
I teach my kids that ham is mee'yis
I don't Mish on Paiysach, or Sikkis, or Shvee'is
Pesach Sheini I use a new set of keilim
I don't play chess, 'cuz the king has a tzeilim
I don't eat marror, 'cuz I'm choishesh for bugs
When I see my bubby I don't give her hugs
My shiur for matzah is fifty k'beitzim
I sit down everywhere, that's not a moishav leitzim
CHORUS
There's a goy named Boris, but I don't know him
So he didn't write for me a poem
Instead I got help from a yid named Baruch
To write my own chelek of Shulchan Aruch
When my wife buys a sheitel I pour on it bleach
On the maps in my house I cross out the beach
I daven shiminessra for at least an hour
I wear my koppel when I take a shower
I beat up my kid if he's not the best in his kittah
Everything I do, I do it b'shittah
By Reishis Hagez I give more than reishis
By Aishes Chayil I don't say "Aishes"
In the sukkah I make sure to keep my toes in
By the Kosel I rip everyone's hoizen
L'chumrah, I made all my kids become gayrim
Every day I put like ten people in cheirim
I really didn't write anything for this one
Yada bada booda, something something...
On my phone I have an anti-Internet app
And from now on I don't sing my songs in rap
About
The Chumrah Song is Dr. Dreizach’s sequel to “The Aveirah Song” released in 2013 on YouTube. Like the Aveirah song, it was made for Yeshivas Lev Aryeh, although instead of a Purim Shpiel, it was made as a summer project.
While The Aveirah Song was about all the sins that Dreizach commits, The Chumrah Song goes to the opposite extreme. He takes on the “holier than thou” persona that is common among the Chasidic communities, where people try to outdo one another by being more “frum” than their neighbor.
In the music video, we see Dreizach, dressed in his ridiculous get-up from the Aveirah Song, enter the Lev Aryeh building and begin to study. One by one, he throws each piece of clothing outside, then emerges from the building in traditional Chasidic garb.
Q&A
Find answers to frequently asked questions about the song and explore its deeper meaning
