I'm haunted
I'm being haunted
I'm being haunted, by the sins I committed
In the past
The ones that Allah said to abstain from
But somehow I didn't listen
Was it because I didn't want to listen? Or was it Satan?
I want out, I want out of these nightmares
These night terrors that I'm scarred with.
Who knows, who else knows that I committed these sins?
These gravely sins?
All these unforgotten mistakes
It's all in my head, I can't get it out
These flashbacks of all the sins in the pastime
Those sins whom I thought will never come back, caught up with my tracks, they came
Back to haunt me
Everywhere I go, it reminds me of a sin
I can't hide it from myself, not even from Allah
He knows what's in our hearts
What blacken us
Our guilt that eat us
I want to cry because all these people smiling at me
They're azamed at me, they're azamed of what Allah hides about me
They smile lightly, wanting to know me
But I did something bad, that I don't even trust myself
Or anyone
I want to confess, I reveal to Allah, but I'm afraid his ceature will hear it
Then go outside to the world and expose it
I believe if I set my foot in a room, full of people
They'll look at me in disgust, like a bubble-gum covered with musk
Some of them will laugh, some will slander
Some will be disappointed, as one points and shouts
"Look it's the sinner!"
At that moment, I'm just thinking to cage myself
And hide myself more
Those who loves me, would want to help me
Are wondering "What is she hiding?"
"Why is she shaking? what is she thinking? Isn't she confessing?"
Ya Allah!
Help me please I committed a sin, I want to confess because it's eating my heart
Darking my mind, making me blind
Revealing my character bit by bit
Time to time
I'm starting to go insane, cause my words with reveal unexpectly, I won't even know what came over me
Dear Allah, If you hear me, please forgive me, and all my sins, all the evil affairs
That are eating me
As your ceature, I will pray to you
Ready to worship you
Ready to leave the dunya, and come the Akrikah
I will now come to deen, come to the light, the path of Sirtal Mustaqeem
As I pray while reading surahtul Faitha
Years are passing by, slowly I'm becoming finally free
But I'm still being haunted
I'm still being haunted by the sins I once committed