Rupert Brown, it's the man behind the face mask
Fake moustache, walk in with a fake bus pass
Sneaky bastard, elastic plaster on my glasses
Catch me plastered, pissed up chatting backwards
In a Ford Sierra, with leopard skin seats
My life's like an episode of Twin Peaks
I told my girl that beauty is only skin deep
Next thing she's asking me, "When am I moving in, please?"
That's our Sharon, always 'round for a handy job
Ronald the Rottweiler, that's just our family dog
But you don't wanna hear the stories that our granny tells
She smokes roll ups, and by the way her fanny smells
There ain't a day where my whole arse ain't sober
You need a ticket just to get on her sofa
Life's a struggle and it's only getting harder man
You can't walk in her garden through all the lager cans
There's always a drink, and it's usually in my father's hands
And he ain't been the same since he left the army, dad
He thinks he's Siberian, don't even realize his wife left him for a lesbian Liberian
It's quite scary at night, my auntie likes to sleepwalk
And tries to sleep with anything within three doors
She comes out shouting "Feed me more!"
But I ain't Seymour, I make my door safe with my keyboard
My bedroom's just a bunk bed with no springs
That falls apart every time my phone rings
My stereo chews tapes and gives me feedback
I write raps on toilet paper in a Scream mask
Yo...
You didn't like my shit then pardon my friend
See through the hearts of these men
So far forward, the start or the end?
Twenty thousand angels guarding my pen
I twist your fake screwface back to shape
I know it's hard to pretend
I drop the bombs like Osama Bin Laden's my friend
Swallow your carcass then I gargle with phlegm
I'm the reason why they guarding the Thames
Sgt. Arm with the hardest armour
Every time I step, I'm setting a car alarm off
If I'm trapped in barbed wire, I'm chopping my own arm off
And running at motherfuckers with a bomb in my only palm, what?
Run across the border like my middle name was Carlos
Scaling the fence with many aliens in my skip
I can manhandle a bear, strangle you with my bear hands
Grab you by your ankles and dangle you in the air, dan
Shake your brain out of your nose, and kick it like a football
Over your roof, and right over your home
On top of that you follow yourself
I pull your bottom lip over your head and make you swallow yourself
Best know I rep Nottz like NG3
Jobseekers Allowance, on TV
You can download Picasso on your MP3
Or, get it on vinyl on my new EP
I'm a walking advert, talking mad words
Worser than Rupert Brown in the gym, getting horny, stalking some fat birds
I don't care I swear on or off air
My verse killed the world cus it made everyone in China jump off chairs
I kick the planet with a rugby kick
Beating all the whack MCs in public with an extra large ugly stick
Mr. Miyagi, doing origami on you
I take you out, I don't need to get my army on you
For all you talking actors
I'll rip your flesh off, so fast I'll leave your whole skeleton walking backwards
A true time pirate
You can say I'm a star but I'll probably die before the light reaches your eyes' iris