Return of the Mac: Top 10 Steve Jobs Inspired Rap Lyrics
FACT: Everyone who moderates/writes for Rap Genius has something Apple-branded. I personally have an iPad, iPod (Click Wheel [All Retro Everything]), and an iMac. My parents actually still have an Apple IIgs, which houses a spreadsheet of all my Star Wars action figures and collectible items… Shouldn’t have said that… My dad had his own business in the 80’s and 90’s called “Computer Source” where he sold Macintosh computers. Though I don’t own an iPhone nor do I live and breathe the “Mac Life” culture, I do have a deep-rooted, fond respect and admiration for Apple. With the passing of technology guru and visionary Steve Jobs yesterday, I decided to sit down and parse through rap’s corpus and shed some light on the Top 10 Steve Jobs Inspired Rap Lyrics to pay homage. Shall we?
10. Young Jeezy -- Standing Ovation
Once upon a time, I used to grind all night
With that residue that was iPod white
If you do any sort of “Top 10 Rap Lyrics” list with a theme, you can bet Jeezy will be on it. He is so diverse when speaking about dealing cocaine. iPod White. Fun Fact: Steve Jobs did everything in the A, including making coitus sex with Chilli. Better luck next time, Jizzle.
9. Pharoahe Monch -- We Go Off
Pharoahe the god strike the mic hard like Ty Cobb with a bat
Physicist the antithesis of Steve Jobs when he raps, mack
Sick gonorrhea clap! Onomatopoeia, smack the shit out you, you have no idea
I can only imagine that Steve Jobs would be terrible at rapping thus proving Pharoahe Monch’s analogy true. However, it is entirely possible that Steve Jobs wrote all of Drake’s lyrics, so we can’t be too certain. The rhyme scheme here with the assonance is beautifully done. Shouts to Steve Da God. More Pharaohe Monch Less Lil Wayne.
8. Mikey Rocks -- We Beamin (All City Chess Club Remix)
And the kids connected up, and they clicked snap
Hollerin’, “Yeah, we weighed on the iPhone scale app!"
A digital scale app does exist for the iPhone. I’ve included this lyric solely off the absurdity of a drug dealer solemnly weighing his drugs on his cell phone. Also, Steve Jobs and the iPhone pretty much invented the popularized phrase “App,” which is an important achievement. All City Chess Club… that was a thing for one song and a couple of tweets once. Relisten to the whole song though, everyone but Diggy Simmons has a sick verse (and it’s nice to remember when Lupe wasn’t phoning in crappy guest features).
7. Grind Time Battle: Illmaculate vs Conceited
Once I let all the guns and the clips blow
For the first time y'all gone see a Mac running through Windows.
Conceited actually utilizes a ton of name flips on Illmaculate throughout the three round battle, but this one by far is the best. It’s like a Bizarro-Parallels!!
6. Gucci Mane -- LOL Smiley Face
Pics on my iPhone
Gucci on her iPod
When she turn around
Ass make me say oh god
Don’t think this should be included? Fair point. However, if you take the time to picture Gucci Mane using an iPhone and the hilarity that surely ensues then you’ll agree with me on the placement. Gucci meticulously overseeing his iTunes library and ensuring all ID3 info is correct. Gucci playing Words With Friends with Waka. It’s a beautiful made-up world in my head.
5. Tyga -- Really Raw
KFC by the bucket, thats really raw
AK’s you can’t tuck it, thats really raw
Watching porno’s on the iPad, thats really raw
Lamborghini’s with the wide baggage, really raw
This is exactly what Mr. Jobs envisioned when Apple decided to develop the iPad, “I love watching pornography on my iPod… but the screen is too small to jack off to!” This lyric gets a small bump for the fact it is so close to Pharrell proclaiming that being able to afford/eat buckets upon buckets of chicken is “really raw” and the fact that Tyga repeats this line from the chorus in his verse. Give man a machine, and he’ll find a way to watch porn on it or have sex with it.
4. Rick Ross -- 9 Piece
I’m smoking dope, I’m on my cell phone
I’m selling dope, straight off the iPhone
Infectious. Repetitive. Ludicrous. Glorious. You gotta watch out though if you are conducting drug dealer business on an iPhone, as police can easily tap that your cell and your phone in the basement. +1 for referring to Marijuana as “Dope.” Below is a little meme photo I put together for you. Bauce Sauce is for the people.
3. Lil B -- Violate That Bitch
Give that bitch a iPad dick
I'm a lesbian man I only fuck bitches
This is quite possibly the most beautiful couplet in all of poetry on all the worlds in all the realms of all the universes in all of history. I only fuck bitches with my iPad dick, as well… I suggest you do too. That is, unless you have a BlackBerry Playbook dick then you are pretty much destined for a life of dry dick.
2. Charles Hamilton -- Windows Media Player
You ain't catch when I said put my Mac down?
Like I got a girl's top on my lap now
That was mad hot, and mad foul
Now that I said it all here think back now
Mac lip gloss, Mac laptop
Girl's top on my lap, that's mad hot
There’s a lot going on here, even though the concept/word play is stretched. Let us not forget that Charles Hamilton at one point in time wasn’t a walking failure-achieving losing-machine. Stock Windows sounds for a beat? You youngn’s know nothing about this. -1 for repeating the line as if we don’t get it. HUH??
1. Big Pun -- Brave In The Heart
Taking New York cats past the stars
First it was Nasty Nas
Now watch me turn an Apple into Macintosh
Sometimes the best wordplay is also the most simple and succinct. Pun, much like Jobs, transforms an everyday item into an empire. All you need is the drive and the vision. I really would describe Big Pun as the Steve Jobs of rap. Both were so far ahead of their time.
Conclusion
Despite being cancer-stricken, Steve managed to be positive and upbeat. I’m not going to post one of his life-affirming, feel good quotes because that’s what Twitter is for, but it should be noted that he was an adopted child who dropped out of college after one semester. Whodathunkit? Leave your insensitive jokes about Jobs' death and your hyperbolic hipster praise for the Mac Messiah in the Comment section. You can also feel free to tell me what lyrics I blatantly omitted and why I should have included them.
I also want it to be known that there is an old J.R. Writer song I wanted to include in this list but could not find it or remember it. The punchline in question is about him being on G4 jets while the only G4 we’re around is our desktop or something along those lines. I even reached out to him on Twitter, but as of publication he didn’t get back to me. IF YOU KNOW WHAT SONG I’M TALKING
ABOUT PLEASE TELL ME AS I’M GOING CRAZY RACKING MY BRAIN!
Appendix:
Young Jeezy — Standing Ovation
Pharoahe Monch — We Go Off
Mikey Rocks — We Beamin (All City Chess Club Remix)
Gucci Mane — LOL Smiley Face
Tyga — Really Raw
Rick Ross — 9 Piece
Lil B — Violate That Bitch
Charles Hamilton — Windows Media Player
Big Pun — Brave In The Heart
